it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He shit in the fireplace
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
