physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
