...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
