Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
