we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
