So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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