Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
