Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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