drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
