Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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