Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i already hear my dad disowning me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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