I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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