My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
