While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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