im having a threesome with these popsicles
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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