I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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