i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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