I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
