my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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