Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
