it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
