so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
