Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
