My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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