I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
