Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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