It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
