i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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