You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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