If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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