we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
