So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
