I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
