eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
