We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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