And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
