True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
me + whiskey = a bad person
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
