what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
