I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
