Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
