smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i now understand why vodka
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
