Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
