the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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