this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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