Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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