dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
