he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
