are you so shy because you have an std?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize