You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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