I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
