these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
