Come see our sink grown plant.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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