Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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