would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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