Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
