I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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