smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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