Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
