remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
