I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
